A Book Review (#1)

As I've said before, I enjoy reading. A lot. And not just chick flick novels (although I have read my share of those, too). I also read a variety of other things, some of which may be relevant to my current situation, so over time you'll probably notice quite a few book reviews here, beginning with The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin.

I got this book long before I got engaged, while trying to improve not a relationship, but my outlook on life. One of the key messages of the book is that the best way to make other people happy is to be happy yourself. But how to become happier?

A sense of growth or progress is essential to happiness. My honey and I definitely both feel this way, even if we haven't necessarily discussed it in exactly those terms. When we're in a settled routine, we get bored: work, dinner, television, blah, bed, repeat. This can get really tricky given that we (along with a majority of human beings everywhere) need to work in order to sustain ourselves. So what we have to do is put in the effort to change it up, even if that means something as simple as going on a movie and dinner "date" on Friday night. 

Similarly, it is important to make time for things you enjoy (like reading a book or writing a blog, for example).

And while you're enjoying something, why not laugh a little? Laughter may not quite be the best medicine, but it does have real benefits. In addition to promoting social bonding, it can actually lower stress, including levels of stress hormones and blood pressure. So maybe laughing can improve the health of an individual as well as the health of a relationship .

I will be the first person to say that I'm in a great relationship, but we're still not perfect. Inevitably, some sort of tension will develop in even the best relationships. The key is knowing what to do when this happens. "Experts say that denying bad feelings intensifies them; acknowledging bad feelings allows good feelings to return" (100). Translation: when you're upset, don't try to hide it. But at the same time, try not to dwell on it. That's probably not the best solution either. Acknowledge and move on--problem solved.

It's also important to remember that we are talking about a relationship here, and a relationship generally involves two people, so we need to take the other person's needs and desires into consideration as well as our own. So I'll leave you with this tidbit: "Studies show that people's basic psychological needs include the need to feel secure, to feel good at what they do, to be loved, to feel connected to others, and to have a strong sense of control" (170).