Another Book Review (#4)

I'd like to preface this one by stating that this book has some good insights, even if the title is downright awful. I bought the book a long time ago, after a bad breakup (which it completely reaffirmed). The title is (deep breath) Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough. That being said, my honey isn't Mr. Good Enough. He's Mr. Pretty Damn Great. If every guy were like him, we wouldn't need a book like this (actually, we would, because some women would be dissatisfied regardless), although it does have some interesting ideas anyway:

Be realistic. Many women today have "a heightened sense of entitlement that previous generations didn't have. Our mothers might have wished, but certainly didn't expect, that their husbands would constantly want to please them, be attracted to them, entertain them, enjoy sharing all their interests, and be the most charming person in the room. Instead, they knew that marriage involved failing health, aging, boredom, periods of stress and disconnection, annoying habits, issues with children, and hardships and misunderstandings of all sorts. But many women today seem to be looking for an idealized spiritual union instead of a realistic marital partnership" (131).

Be positive. "In successful relationships, couples appreciate each other's good points instead of focusing on the flaws" (134).

Be satisfied. "The people who got married younger, who knew how to compromise and negotiate and sustain a marriage, are likely less demanding than those who felt they couldn't find anyone good enough. They tend to be better partners and parents. They're probably much more enjoyable to live with over the course of fifty years. All the more reason not only to seek out a satisficer [satisficer: a person who keeps something that is good enough versus continuing to search for something that is perfect], but to be one yourself" (154).

Be accepting. "It's not about changing the other person; it's about accepting things about the other person that you'd like to change, but can't" (175). Obviously this doesn't apply to things like drug addiction--that's just crazy talk.

Be understanding. "Even our best friends don't meet all our needs. That's why we have many close friends, not just one. So why does a husband have to be an überfriend who meets every need and shares every interest? Who can handle that kind of pressure?" (207).

Be domestic. "What makes for a good marriage isn't necessarily what makes for a good romantic relationship. Once you're married, it's not so much about whom you want to go on a tropical vacation with; it's about whom you want to run a household with. Marriage isn't a constant passion-fest; it's more like a partnership formed to run a very small, mundane nonprofit business" (227). Now doesn't that sound appealing.

Be happy. "Married people are happier overall" (243).

Be enough. "Husbands are life partners, not life savers. A full 50 percent of marital satisfaction is up to you, but many women don't see it that way" (249).

Be aware. "Research has shown that every happy, successful couple has approximately ten areas of 'incompatibility' or disagreement that they will never resolve. Instead the successful couples learn how to manage the disagreements and live life 'around' them--to love in spite of their areas of difference.... If we switch partners, we'll just get ten new areas of disagreement" (275).

Believe. "Soul mates are a beautiful notion to believe in once it happens. But it's a dangerous thing to believe in before you've found the person you've decided to spend your life with. In reality, there are many people we could be happy with--it's just that your soul develops in different ways with different people" (286).