7 Steps to Planning Your Garden

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The last several days have been a gross combination of rainy, snowy, foggy, and cold. This is the kind of weather you try really hard not to go outside in, or at least I try really hard not to go outside in. Instead, I'm sitting by the fire planning what to do with my garden in the spring to maximize productivity (and minimize effort and cost). By following these steps, I should be more prepared for spring gardening, which will help me be a more efficient gardener.

First, what do I already have? When Hubby and I bought our home, it came with several apple trees, a rosemary shrub, and a bathtub on the driveway. I've used the rosemary for cooking a handful of times, but we have yet to harvest any apples--what the late snows haven't gotten, the blue jays have. Since moving, we've added 8 hop bines, 5 blackberry bushes, 2 pomegranate trees, a nectarine tree, a passionfruit vine, and the smallest fig "tree" you've ever seen. And we filled the bathtub with strawberries. The only fruit we've gotten to enjoy have been a handful of blackberries, several handfuls of strawberries, and one tiny nectarine. They say a plant's harvest should be better each year, right?

Second, how do I improve what I already have? One of the biggest problems for me is having time to water everything. If I set aside time early in the season to re-vamp the old drip watering system that the previous owners left behind, that will help tremendously. I also have to figure out how to keep the critters at bay. Putting up a super cool owl nest box might help with the rodents, and I might have to try some sort of netting around the apple trees to help with the blue jays.

Third, what usable space do I have? We have a pretty big property. But it's in a forest, which means that there are 80 foot tall trees between the sun and a majority of our garden. 

Fourth, what are my garden goals? Do I want to supplement the fruits and veggies I buy at the store? Do I want to produce enough to be able to stop buying fruits and veggies? What about canning? 

Fifth, what have I learned from past experiences? I've tried buying plants bare-root from the internet. The only plant I've ever bought this way that grew at all was hops. I've learned not to get sucked in by the promises of the seed catalogs that show up in the mail. I've also had extensive personal failings with seeds (nasturtiums being the lone exception in this case). Strawberries have been my biggest success so far. I may want to get a journal like this one to keep track of what works and what doesn't work so I don't keep making the same mistakes year after year.

Sixth, what is my budget? This is the hardest part for me, because I pretty much want all the plants. I know that buying bigger, more established plants will result in bigger harvests sooner than buying smaller, bare-root plants from Home Depot. I've decided to save my Swagbucks rewards until springtime, and then use those for my garden budget.

Seventh, how do I prioritize my goals based on what I have, what I know, and what I can reasonably spend? This part may have to wait until the spring thaw comes and planting season arrives. But at least now I have an idea of what plants I plan to purchase and where in my garden I think they'll thrive.

How would you plan your dream garden?

Reading to Babies

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We've all heard that reading out loud to babies and children is good for them. I remember my dad reading to me every night before bed when I was growing up--he'd even take whatever book we were reading with him on business trips and read to me over the phone if he couldn't be there in person. My mom would read to me, too. They had different styles of reading and different tastes in books. Reading was a huge part of my childhood, and I believe reading has had a huge impact on who I am. So, naturally, I wanted to be able to give that same experience to my children. I decided to start right away with Baby Boy. Being that he's just a month old, I figure that it doesn't really matter what I'm reading to him as long as I'm reading him something.

The first thing I read aloud to Baby Boy was this scientific paper. As soon as we finished that, I started reading him one of my favorites:

Harry Potter was something my dad read to me and we both loved. I'm sure this will not be the last time I read it to Baby Boy. 

What are your favorite books for kiddos?

The science of cosleeping

When Hubby and I were getting ready for Baby Boy's arrival, we built the crib in our room so he would be close for night feedings and such. Once we got him home, I realized that even getting out of bed to get the baby to feed him and put him back in the crib after was too much effort to be going through every hour or two all night. I wasn't planning on cosleeping; it just happened. 

Like most moms in the US, I'd heard about how dangerous cosleeping is for babies. But that wasn't enough for me. I wanted to know the science behind this blanket statement that I should never fall asleep with baby. Lucky for me, I found a really interesting paper that summarized current research on just that topic. And what it said wasn't at all what I expected. (The whole article, Mother-Infant Cosleeping, Breastfeeding and Sudden Infant Death Syndrome: What Biological Anthropology Has Discovered About Normal Infant Sleep and Pediatric Sleep Medicine by J.J. McKenna, H.L. Ball, and L.T. Gettler (2007) can be found here). If 24 pages from an anthropology journal is more than you'd care to read, here are some highlights:

Our (Western) society has an abnormal reliance on "expert advice" that leads people, in this case parents, to trust the advice of others above their own instincts. Research has shown that the rate of SIDS is much lower in cultures where moms and babies typically breastfeed and cosleep. 

A baby's whole world revolves around mom, specifically her ability to nourish him by providing breastmilk. There is a direct relationship between cosleeping and breastfeeding, specifically cosleeping moms and babies do more breastfeeding.

Separating mom and baby for sleep is more about our cultural desire for babies to become independent than what is best for baby. However, one study showed that children who sleep with their parents are less demanding of their parents' attention (read: more independent) while playing than children who don't.

Studies in other primates have shown that separating babies from their moms leads to all sorts of physical and emotional problems.

"Many researchers believe that arousal deficiency--the inability of an infant to arouse and breathe following an otherwise 'normal' breathing pause or apnea--may play an important role in SIDS." Moms and babies who cosleep are more sensitive to each other waking up and tend to experience less deep sleep, which is the stage of sleep when babies are most likely to have a pause in breathing. Being near mom's breathing may help stimulate baby's breathing and help prevent SIDS.

Even though, like me, most new moms don't plan on cosleeping, 70% of new parents do it at least occasionally. There are lots of reasons for cosleeping: it makes breastfeeding easier, it's enjoyable to spend time close to baby, it's comforting to keep baby close to keep an eye on his health and safety, it's easier to calm baby when he's fussy, etc. What's your favorite reason?

Dear America,

I've been trying to stay out of this and let you make up your own mind. You're a grown-up, after all, and entitled to your own opinions. 

But seriously: what the fuck were you thinking?

If you really wanted to play the rebellious teenager, couldn't you have thought about that during the primaries and made it official with Bernie? 

As one of my friends says, "you're entitled to your own opinions, but not your own facts." Regardless of your opinions about the other candidate, the fact is that you've just selected someone to lead the free world who has been endorsed by Russia, North Korea, and the KKK. 

Don't get me wrong: I'm not mad. What I am is disappointed. I thought you were better than that--than dictatorships, racism, and hatred. I am disappointed that I will have to teach my son to be better than the nation we live in, because our family is not a dictatorship but I will not have our home filled with racism or hatred. I am disappointed that there are so many people in this great nation who don't see that this is a great nation.

And yet, we will go on. In time, I will teach my son to rise above adversity and to be a good person. But first, I will try to live every day to be the change I wish to see in the world. Which means doing more. Living more, loving more, adventuring more. Trying more new things, and most likely failing more as a result. Keeping my sense of humor. And changing lots of poopy diapers.

Why You Can't Hold My Newborn

People love babies. I get it. But that doesn't mean that everyone gets to hold every baby whenever they want to. 

I've been hearing a lot of this lately: "I need to hold your baby!" 

No, you don't. I need to hold my baby. If you want to invade our bonding time, you'd better be prepared to do something useful. Dishes, laundry, sweeping, cooking, etc. 

To repeat: Just because you know someone who has a baby DOES NOT mean that you are entitled to hold the baby. 

Baby's First Week

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I'm not going to say that I have this whole Mom thing figured out. After all, I've literally been doing it for a week. But I've already found several things that have helped tremendously. 

Nursing bras. I've been wearing ones like these pretty much 24/7. They're super comfy, unfortunately they have zero support. So when your milk machines are engorged, they're all freaking over the place. Not a problem if you're hanging out at home, but I would suggest something more like a sports bra for excursions. 

Nipple cream. I legit have bruised nips. Just because babies don't have teeth, doesn't mean they can't bite you. I have no idea what this stuff is or why it works, but I seriously don't care. It's super awesome. Stock up. 

Prepared food. A few weeks before Baby Boy's arrival, I made some freezer meals. We've already run through most of the fully cooked stuff, but we also have a bunch of stuff that's halfway prepped. At this point, the less effort I have to use to feed myself, the better. 

Newborn diapers. Even if you want to use cloth diapers (we do), they have a minimum weight suggestion of 8 pounds, so it's going to take awhile for most babies to grow into them. They're cheaper online and you will use LOTS of them unless you want baby stewing in his own pee. 

Receiving blankets. So far, Baby Boy has only worn clothes twice. Once coming home from the hospital and once when we went to his first doctor's appointment. Otherwise, he's swaddled in a receiving blanket (we definitely didn't steal any from the hospital... maybe) and enjoying lots of skin to skin time. The ones from Carter's aren't the cheapest, but they're very soft flannel and bigger than some other brands.

Helpful hubby. Hubby has been great. He's been taking initiative on things like laundry, cooking (microwaving totally counts, at least right now), doing dishes, and reminding me to sleep when the baby sleeps. He's also good at diaper changes and other baby stuff. Even though he can't directly help with breastfeeding, he brings snacks and water while Baby Boy and I are having boobie time. If Hubby isn't available, try to find someone who loves you, doesn't add any stress to your life, and cleans--key here is that you have to be comfortable with them seeing you topless. Baby's first week is pretty much all about boobies (if you're breastfeeding). 

Patience. You're not going to instinctively know everything about your baby right away. There will be times when your baby seems to be crying for no reason. Make sure his needs are being met (clean diaper, not too hot, not too cold, not hungry), then try rocking, walking, swaying, singing, dancing, etc. You'll get through it. 

Birth Story

This may take me a while to type because I'm using my left hand and holding a sleeping baby with my right. My sleeping baby. Before I tell you how we got here, I want to mention that I wholeheartedly believe in having several versions of your birth story ready to go. The same level of detail is not agreeable to everyone you've ever met. 

1: The short and sweet version.  This is the version you tell the mailman, the UPS guy (the good one, not the one who couldn't find your house), and other acquaintances. 

Shortly after getting in bed on Wednesday night, I started having contractions. Hubby and I drove to the hospital and 16 hours later, the doctor put our new Baby Boy on my chest. 

Actually, there's probably an even shorter version that would work for casual acquaintances: finally had the baby! He's healthy, I'm healthy, and we're all figuring this out!

2: The touchy-feely version. If your friends haven't asked for intimate details about your cervix, DO NOT tell them. They don't want to know. In my case, this was actually a fairly small number of people. I guess I'm lucky the UPS guy didn't mention it. 

After several weeks of me being ready (especially once our due date came and went without Baby Boy), I finally went into labor on Wednesday night. Hubby drove me to the hospital in the middle of the night, which was great because a) no traffic and b) a fox crossed the road in front of us, and we'd agreed early on that we wanted a fox-themed nursery, so that was neat. Maybe we should do a Yeti theme if we decide to go for baby #2... Anyhoo, back to the story. After awhile in the hospital without much progress, I decided I was ready to stop being in pain. I was shaking from adrenaline and trying not to cry by the time the cute anasthesiologist got the epidural set up and my left leg turned into pudding from the drugs. Once I was able to calm down, we waited for awhile. When the nurse came in to check on me in the afternoon, she said "push" and I started trying to push even though I couldn't feel a damn thing. I'm glad I got the epidural even though it wasn't part of my birth plan, because it allowed me to relax enough to stop (inadvertently) fighting what my body was trying to do. Once I pushed out Baby Boy and Hubby cut the cord (which was the main thing on his birth plan, along with raiding the hospital's hubby snack area), someone put the little boy on my chest and said "here's your baby" and I said "holy shit."

3: The juicy version. This one you share with your closest family, friends, and anyone who works in the medical field. Medical peeps love hearing all the gory details. (Warning: gory details ahead. Read at your own peril.)

Hubby and I got in bed Wednesday night, and I had my first contraction at 10:41. We left for the hospital at midnight, when they were 9 minutes apart and we were sure it was baby time. By the time we got to the hospital, the contractions were 5 minutes apart and my cervix was 4cm dilated. The doc came in and broke my water to help move things along. I alternated between laboring on a birth ball in the shower (which felt awesome except for the terrible water pressure... highly recommend) and in various positions on the bed. Hubby slept for a couple hours. By the time the nursing staff switched out for the day crew, I was still only at 6cm and ready for drugs. I wanted to avoid an epidural, based on what I'd read about its effect on labor and recovery times, but whatever they pushed through my IV was bad. It made me dizzy and loopy and didn't touch the pain. So that sucked. And once it wore off, I said yes to the terrifying epidural (have I mentioned I don't do well with needles?). Then we waited. Not being able to feel much of anything, I took a nap, which helped a lot. At 3:30, the nurse decided it was time to check my hooha again. She poked around and called to Hubby: "do you want to see the head?" Then she told me to push once, for shits and giggles. Then we waited for the doc to finish another delivery. When she finally showed up, we did several more rounds of pushing until I somehow pushed out a baby at 4:07 Thursday afternoon. And I didn't feel a damn thing. Hubby cut the cord, just like he'd wanted to. Then the baby nurses sucked a bunch of goo out of baby's lungs. Then someone put him on my chest and said "here's your baby" and I said "holy shit."