Winning

There is no winning when you're pregnant. 

You try to do the right thing, abide by the rules of what you should or shouldn't do, should or shouldn't eat. You do your research. And then, inevitably, whatever you think is okay to do or eat, you're wrong. 

One pregnancy website, book, or "expert" tells you that you need to cover yourself with sunscreen the moment you step outside, and another tells you to avoid sunscreen like the plague because of all the chemicals in it. I figured the doctor would be the most reliable tie breaker, so I asked her. She told me to wear baby sunscreen, which sounded reasonable, so I bought the regular baby sunscreen the next time I was at Target. I mentioned this to a couple of friends who also happen to be toddler moms, and they both went off the handle about how you have to get a specific baby sunscreen because the regular (read: cheap) ones still contain nasty chemicals you don't want leaching through your skin into the tiny human in your belly. Of course. 

Or maybe you're hungry (not unlikely when you're pregnant). You're on a lovely vacation in Italy and you see a place to get gelato. As you're finishing your Snickers gelato, you think to yourself "I hope this is okay for me to eat. I don't think it has any deli meat or sprouts or soft cheese or booze or raw eggs in it." And when you get back to your hotel that night, you read that while some gelatos are safe to eat while you're pregnant, some may contain questionably processed eggs and therefore, nasty bacteria. So it's okay to eat the fruity gelatos, but don't eat the creamy/custardy/eggy flavors like the Snickers gelato you just finished. Yep, that sounds about right. You then spend the entire rest of your time in Italy eating lemon and strawberry and coconut gelato while sneaking covert glances at your hubby's cup of chocolate and peanut butter and coffee custardy goodness. 

Or maybe you're going to be in a wedding while you're pregnant. Let's just assume it's tomorrow (it is). Your first inspection of the Internet tells you that you can only wear a select few brands of nail polish that don't contain select nasty chemicals (are you noticing a trend yet?). You go through your not insubstantial nail polish drawer and find that you own 3 of the select nail polishes that the Internet told you are acceptable. Except that when you look at the ingredient label, you see the words "formaldehyde resin." Well, shit. So you go back to the Internet for more answers, and find that one of your favorite brands is considered safe (for now). 

But who knows what new information will come out tomorrow about the horrible things you shouldn't do while you're pregnant. See what I mean? There is no winning when you're pregnant.